The Writer’s Bloq

*Screenshots showing my YouTube history (from Yesterday)*

I watched 7 tarot/oracle videos on YouTube yesterday. Of course, they were either on my home page or in my recommended/suggested videos. TrueFaithShinesInDarkness444's video was just dropping bomb after bomb on me. They tend to always start off those kinds of videos with something about "taking what resonates and leaving what doesn't" but they never tell you what to do when too much is resonating all at once. I'll just list all the things she was saying in order as I heard it and explain briefly why it resonated with me. "Angels of Death are definitely significant." I've searched up angels of death a lot, especially Samael. And you already know by now that the Grim Reaper is based off of Maria herself. "Messages from angels." I know that some people call their guides angels. Besides, even demons and aliens are ultimately just labels in the end. According to my guides, think of the Prime Evils (Diablo, Baal, and Mephisto) masquerading as the Triune (Dylon, Bala, and Mephus) in Diablo IV as an analogy. "Messages from God." This is Maria (the Empress). "You have higher beings watching you." Maria and the rest of my guides. "Angels are not humans." Starseeds and their guides are not humans. "Freedom." The word itself is important to me. "So, if you are an angel, you're not human. You could be human-like. You could look like a human, but you're not human. We have freedom, love begins." Driving home the point that starseeds and their guides are not humans. And also that my guides love me (I am led to say/write this often). "You could be questioning this." I do be questioning all of this stuff. "We have forgiveness and regeneration. And forgive yourself. Especially if you are not drinking okay? It's not your fault. Something's not meant." I don't drink and since my guides can read my mind they're privy to everything going on up here. "Changes in reverse." Me going from light to dark. "Oh, so I could be talking to an angel. You could be a messenger. You could be an angel of death." Again, more angel of death stuff. "Higher ups with divine feminine. The 24th could be significant." Maria and my guides again. Also, I posted my first blog on September 24th 2026. "There was a movie, I think it's called like City of Angels or something like that." City of Angels equates to Los Angeles. "Sometimes you can't stop death from happening. If it's meant to be it's going to be meant and there's going to be angels surrounding people when this happen. Now, we have not for you. Maybe somebody wanted this to happen for you and it's not happening to you because it's not for you. It's not your time to die. You have work to do. We have solitude. You could do this work alone. Something significant about libraries and reading. Somebody's a messenger." A lot is being said here. From the obvious contempt that my human (fake) family and unseen enemies have for me to my secret vow to my blogs that I do be treating like a library of sorts that I can always come back and read over for myself. "You do something alone. You might think you're alone, you're not alone. God is giving you these downloads. He's giving you these messages and that's where your material and spiritual prosperity is coming from." Me writing these blogs, or living my life in general with my guides being here with me the entire time, despite being invisible. "I'm going through an awakening right now, so bear with me, yall. And if you are going through the same ascension cuz we are on different frequencies, you could feel left out. This is because something is transforming into the spiritual from the spiritual world to the physical world. Material and spiritual prosperity. So rest and rejuvenate." I can see someone saying that I'm going through a spiritual awakening right now. Especially ever since I began writing these blogs, while being separated from the world (mentally). Of course, my guides are also saying that they want me to rest more and worry less. "If you feel anxious, drink some tea, yall." I literally describe me watching tarot/oracle readings on YouTube as my guides letting me in on the tea. "Moving on in reverse. This is somebody that don't want to move on. Somebody know you're a messenger, but they don't want you to move on. They want you to move on,  but not until they bring you some sort of chaos and conflict, but what I say? You're a messenger." This is referring to my younger half-sister (Gabrielle), who has been calling me these past couple of days. I still didn't answer. "A balanced angel, somebody here that is here to bring balance. And you don't have wings. Jordin Sparks, fly with one wing. That song could be significant." I bring karma wherever I go. That I know for sure. Me not having wings refers to my current avatar and flying with one wing points to Sephiroth, who my guides have said is me in like a past life or something. "Just because you are alone does not mean you're really alone." I'm not alone for real. Technically, I'm used to it now. 27 years is a long time. But yeah, I already know that my guides are always with me now. "Somebody thought they was going to get some energy from you. And now they feel some type of way. This person is looking real silly. Yeah, no place like home." My sister again. Who for the life of me, I can't see why she's ringing off my phone worrying about me. And no, me being overseas to study in the UK still doesn't make a difference. "Loneliness. I know that I'm never alone. And time to go." I'll say it once more, I'm not alone for real. Also, I'm currently leaving behind my human persona. "Somebody is blaming you because of something that is happening in the dark." Karma, or whatever you want to call it, hitting people. And them knowing that it has something to do with me. "I'm getting Anubis energy." In my last blog, I literally mentioned a tarot/oracle reading video where the YouTuber called me a sibling of Anubis reincarnated. "Something has happened. The scales are being balanced for someone. And it's something being exposed." As a starseed, when are your enemies not being exposed for real? "Something happened. Something that you said." My guides are known to have things happen in ways that match what I say word for word. "So yeah, somebody was playing a game and they thought something was funny." This has to be a double meaning, referencing both the people from my past and the character (Helel) in my story. "Cuz you got the victory. God got the victory. God got the last say so." Not even going to explain this one. Just keep reading. "What's for you is going to be for you regardless. They failed." My guides protecting me. Nothing new. Nothing crazy. "They know where you get your power from. It's cuz you defeating this Judas energy." I get my power from the Void or whatever and surviving betrayal is pretty much the norm for my people. "I'm hearing don't fall for it." My guides reminding me to not respond to my sister's attempts to reach me and simply observe for now. "Somebody thinking something's a game. God is not to play with, okay? He ain't nobody to play with. Yes, God has a sense of humor, but when it comes to his people, he is not playing about his people, okay? So, they played a game with the wrong person and they lost. They lost. But that's all. That's all I got for this reading. Don't let nobody play with yall." No lie, I can see myself saying something like this for real. Except I'd swap out "God" for "Death," and "he" for "she," just to rile up some feathers. Anyways, for the last couple minutes of the video, she had an AI song playing about overcoming adversity. Because of course she did. Also, the image shown for the AI song was that of a winged black woman wearing a crown, which was obviously a representation of the Empress. To me, that was the cherry on top that linked the video to Big Sister (who also makes music using AI) and this website she created where I'm writing/posting these blogs. So yeah, my guides are making their messages really really obvious and impossibly hard to miss.

*Sammael from The Shadowhunter Chronicles*

*Lucifer Morningstar (aka Samael, The Devil, Satan, etc.) from Lucifer (2016)*

*Azathoth in the Cthulhu Mythos and Dream Cycle, written about by H.P. Lovecraft first*

The reason all of this is a full circle moment for me is because the very first names of the "supernatural entity" that I felt like was "Me" me for real were "Satan", "Lucifer", and "Samael" (honorable mentions for "Azazel", "Belial", "Poseidon", and "Enki"). Eventually, those simply became "aliases" if I'm being honest. Like, I've been called who knows how many names across who knows how many times, places, eras, worlds, dimensions, etc. And none of them feel like they actually stick because none of them are my actual name. Not sure about "Samael," but I have always felt inclined to separate "Satan" and "Lucifer." According to Big Sister, they really are two different beings. They're just confused with one another a lot. Yet another example of something that I was thinking (or should I say "feeling") on the inside being reflected on the outside. But yeah, "Maria" is also known as "Satan" and "Lucifer" is her son. Anywho, Lucifer (aka Satan) and Sammael from The Shadowhunter Chronicles caught my eye in the past even though I've never read any of the books. I've only watched the movie and a bit of the show on Netflix. I've even had a dream where I was looking at a TV in my old flat on what I assume was Netflix, where I was seeing a preview for a series that was titled "Shadowhunters," with a winged red haired white woman in armor walking in a desert. In my dream, I felt like the series was a "prequel," and that the woman's name was "Athena" for whatever reason. And even before all this Shadowhunter stuff, I was already a huge fan of Lucifer (2016), starring Tom Ellis as Lucifer Morningstar (aka Samael). The series follows Lucifer after he abandons his post as the ruler of Hell to run a nightclub (Lux) in Los Angeles with his best friend, Mazikeen (a demon). Mazikeen's name comes from the term "Mazzikin" ("invisible demons"). Lucifer later becomes a civilian consultant for the LAPD alongside detective Chloe Decker (his soulmate), before eventually returning to Hell in the end. Lucifer is supposed to be based on Lucifer (The Sandman) and the Devil in Christianity. He tries to never lie to other people and is always honest about being Satan, even if people don't take him seriously half the time. He's also tired of humans wrongfully blaming him for their sinful actions (my favorite part about the show, that and the fact that angels can "self-actualize"). He's just the punisher. The craziest thing here is that Lucifer has the power to compel people into revealing their deepest desires to him. This is pretty much word for word how I would describe people like my former friend, Carl, just up and deciding to "confess" to me. In Carl's case, it was him saying he'd rather be like me and do things without pussy on his mind all the time. And remember folks, I thought bro was wildin. Because as far as I'm concerned, I think about pussy just as much as the next guy. Shi, probably more. But alas, Carl was describing himself as being "hypersexual" ("wrong") while I thought he was "normal" ("just fine"). Anyways, my head is going to hurt if I think about that whole spiel for too long. So confusing man. But yeah, moving on. Over time, I've singled out the name "Samael." Long before I ever came to this website. The association with death and scythes (I think they're cool) was one thing. Then I saw it was a name for the Demiurge (Blind God). Which eventually led me to Azathoth (Blind Idiot God). Long story short, the "unknowable Lovecraftian horrors" are something that I'm pretty sure I'm always dreaming about half the time whenever water is involved. Like, as soon as I'm in the ocean or submerged in water somewhere and I look down into the darkness I always get scared because I know "something" is down there. My "proximity to the abyss" or whatever in my past dreams is something that I'm making a note of nowadays. Also, any time I search up Azathoth now and I see what looks like flutes being played by one of the creatures, I think about when my guides were saying that they sing to me whenever I leave my avatars and I'm still holding on to my anger. And the fact that according to them, they've known me for a very very long time and know for sure that singing to me works. My guides also led me to search up the movies The Thing (1982), The Mist (2007), Cloverfield (2008), The Cabin in the Woods (2011), Chronicle (2012), 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016), Arrival (2016), The Ritual (2017), The Cloverfield Paradox (2018), Annihilation (2018), Bird Box (2018), Bird Box Barcelona (2023), and The Watchers (2024). I've seen most of them already. I'll most likely watch the ones that I haven't eventually.

*The Perfect Amulet (both halves), the Rebellion, and the Yamato from Devil May Cry*

In the past (end of 2024, early 2025), I had written this like fan-made amalgamation ("The Fall") where I had combined Lucifer (aka Satan) and Sammael from The Shadowhunter Chronicles with Sparda and Dante from Devil May Cry into this "first of the angels" and "Heaven's greatest defender" guy called "Helel." In that story, he was the twin brother of Michael, friends with Lilith and Asmodeus, and created the "Artifacts of the Morning Star." The Artifacts were, the Perfect Amulet (embodying life), the Rebellion (embodying retaliation), and the Yamato (embodying a god of death). And he "fell" because he hated the hierarchy in Heaven and wanted to be "equal" to those around him. In truth, he wanted to be "weak" because being "strong" was obviously the reason for him not having fulfilling connections for real. He was essentially isolated from all the other angels with only Michael vibing with him. Him and Michael liked to fight, just like their father (God), so they had "sacred duels" all the time that never had a winner. This was Helel's "first lie," since he was stronger than Michael the entire time but held back and simply told himself, "You and I are equal." Michael knew this and said nothing because he was worried about Helel's sense of self. Helel finds out. He doesn't laugh anymore when he's fighting Michael. God creates Humanity. Humanity seems to not have a fixed hierarchy. Helel is jealous/envious of this. Queue the War in Heaven, where Helel lets Michael off him. Resulting in Helel and his followers being sent to the Void, where he is now a "fallen angel" (aka "greater demon") and later becomes the eldest/strongest of the Nine Prince of Hell. While still in the Void, he changes his name to "Lucifer," creates the Artifacts, and then turns into "Sammael," who later becomes the second oldest/strongest Prince of Hell. Yes, this was a completely fabricated identity for him to hide himself even more. As Sammael, the first thing he is recorded doing is sealing the true Hell Gate using the Yamato to prevent the "hostile Void demons" from entering the human world. As he was offing all the "soldier Void demons" at the true Hell Gate (they never made it from the demon world into the human world, also the Void demons never stay dead), he ended up chasing the dark host all the way back into the deepest depths of the Void, which is where he fought against "Lovecraftian" entities. It was "fun" since the "unknowable horrors" were "strong enough" to actually harm him and he was even laughing again as he fought them. But yeah, basically the Void demons had figured they could invade Earth because of the War in Heaven taking place just to meet this random demon (Sammael), who Lucifer had "left" his Artifacts to before never being seen again. Again, "Helel (Lucifer)" and "Sammael" were one and the same so there's actually only eight Princes of Hell, not nine. I mean, technically there were still nine rulers since Lilith was the Princess of Hell. Also, Helel represented Freedom while his younger twin, Michael, represented Duty. Sammael was also this master shapeshifter and had repelled the demon of envy, Leviathan, back when he was still in Heaven long ago, with Leviathan hating Helel ever since. Michael, Leviathan, Lilith, and Asmodeus were the only ones who could see him in his disguises and knew about his true identity as Helel (Lucifer). Asmodeus finds out from Leviathan that Sammael is also Helel (Lucifer), and since he was already bothered by his friend being so much stronger than him, that revelation messed him up even more. Yep, I had the whole "jealousy/envy" thing in here too. Also, Lilith and Asmodeus were based off of a combination of their iterations in The Shadowhunter Chronicles with Eva and Vergil from Devil May Cry. Lilith and Asmodeus were also based on my former closest friends, Amanda and Owen. Which is the reason why Sammael and Lilith weren't lovers and Asmodeus was moving weird about Sammael's power. Sammael and Lilith still bring about the Incursion. I called it "the Flood." I know, I'm so unoriginal. But yeah, the Flood happens after Sammael and Lilith had created the "lesser demons," mated with humans to create warlocks/witches, and mated with nature spirits to create faeries. The Flood happened after their ritual at Pandemonium (the capital of Hell) both strengthened demonkind's resistance to the human world's toxicity and weakened/thinned the veil separating Earth from the Void. This led to the Void demons pouring in from tears in the veil in larger numbers all over the world. "Tears in the veil" was already a thing, the ritual just highlighted worn spots and created holes in them. Sammael, Lilith, and Asmodeus are the only rulers of Hell protecting Humanity as the other six remain indifferent. Eventually, Michael comes down. He knows who Sammael is. And he cuts his brother down again, with Sammael letting it happen without a fight. And it pretty much ends with Asmodeus finding out Sammael's true identity after his death, with Sammael coming back to Earth from the Void in modern times (having reformed after a thousand years). Except he doesn't go back to his old companions since "hiding himself" didn't work out as he had hoped. Long story short, this whole "fiasco" that I wrote was me coming to terms with the simple fact that "being stronger" than others has nothing to with how I feel personally and everything to do with just "how things are" for real. Some things that I can look back and smile at now is that Michael was chill about shi the entire time. Funny I know, since "Michael" is real and one of my guides. I'm sure he inserted himself in my story while I was writing without me knowing it back then. After a while I even had one of those "yikes" moments when I realized that if I wanted to "self insert" myself in my own story, then which character would be the most accurate if not God himself. You know, since I was the "author" and all. And now that I think about it, Lucifer is never seen for real. Like, at all. And I know "Lucifer" is real too and he's actually the brother of "Michael." Why did I never describe the appearances of God, Michael, and Lucifer? Or write the scene where God gave Helel and Michael their swords? Or gave God, Michael, and Lucifer any dialogue in general? Sigh. Looks like my guides were just chilling for real. Anywho, technically God's the one who "enabled" the creation of two of the Artifacts since Rebellion was reforged by Helel (as "Lucifer") using the darkness of the Void. It used to be Victory (red gem), and alongside Glorious (blue gem), it was one half of a pair of sacred longswords made of light that were given to Helel and Michael by God. After the War in Heaven, Helel created the Perfect Amulet, using the red gem in Victory's pommel, with it being in two halves, gold (sun) and silver (moon). Both halves can be used to open the Gates of Pandemonium independent from each other. Sammael later gives Lilith the gold half (worn openly). He keeps the silver half (worn hidden) and the Rebellion. He then gives Asmodeus the Yamato after the War in Heaven, sealing the true Hell Gate, meeting Lilith, and tempting Adam and Eve. Hmm, Yamato was the one Artifact that he created which didn't come from God in some way. And yet, if we add up everything so far that's just not the case. I'm hearing "as above, so below" right now, so I'm guessing if I follow the trail of my own logic, Helel would be God himself for real anyway. He's just "hiding." I'm hiding. Or, I think I'm hiding. Since my guides (family) can see me. I can't hide from them. Not for real. Not unless they "play along" maybe. Plus, that would mean that in my story "God" must have been in the Void before he created Heaven and eventually turned into Helel. Also, the way that I wrote it, the Rebellion and Yamato were never fully "light" or "dark" even if one of them did "align" more with one or the other at some point (Victory/Rebellion). And yet, Rebellion and Yamato were definitely more "dark" though. Looking back on it now, the Void was where "everything" was located. "Heaven" and "Hell" were simply two of the "realms/dimensions" you could go to and you "traveled through the Void" to get from one world to the next. I was literally describing "Lovecraftian" entities being in the "deepest depths" of the Void. My dumb ah even had them calling Sammael "Starseed" after he had fought them before sealing the true Hell Gate. The true Hell Gate is supposed to be "ancient" and having "always existed," with the Gates of Pandemonium being the "regular gates of Hell" you'd most likely hear/read about that were built after the War in Heaven. I described Helel's strength as being like an "abyss" and Michael's as being like an "ocean" to explain the disparity between them. "Abyss" feels like I was referencing the Void without knowing it for real. Which is a thing in both The Shadowhunter Chronicles and Lucifer (2016) by the way. No, I did not know that until now. Also, "Ocean" is obviously me referencing how starseeds come from the water with realizing it too.

*Estarossa, Mael, and Meliodas from The Seven Deadly Sins*

And just like that, I can feel my guides "pushing" me to remember that song "Dark to Light" by None Like Joshua and Tyler Clark on YouTube. It's a song based on Estarossa/Mael from The Seven Deadly Sins. He was my favorite character at one point. At least, before Meliodas became the more accurate reflection over time since he's actually a demon and immortal. He was originally Mael (similar to Samael no?), aka the Angel of Death, before having his memories messed with and becoming Estarossa. The song pretty much reflects Estarossa's journey back to becoming Mael. I'm to going to ignore his weird "romantic obsession" with Elizabeth since my guides are saying that's part of the "distortion" humans are known for when they're being influenced to create stuff based on the hive. Funny, since Estarossa tries to be just like Meliodas. There's something about that, considering my guides are pointing towards both of them as analogies for me. I'm pretty sure it has to do with Meliodas' immortality being a curse. This tracks since I do be saying "immortality is a curse" to myself every now and then. I used to really mean it back in the day, before seeing it as a "blessing" for a bit. Now, it just is what it is. Anywho, in my case, the song is supposed to be flipped. "Light to Dark." In the video, where it shows the scene with Mael's wings disappearing before he gets the Commandment of Love and becomes Estarossa that's basically an analogy for my own awakening too. Or you can say I'm going from "Estarossa" ("amnesiac demon"), to "Mael" ("angel?"), to "Meliodas" ("100% demon"). And it's going to sound wild, but the very first time you hear Meliodas' power level it's when he's sealed because of his wrath (rage). Which is 3370. Why is this wild? Because it's the first half of my student ID. Anyways, I can see clearly now that I was fighting myself, my nature, and eventually my family in my story. Yikes. There goes the recurring theme of fighting oneself again. Ironic. The "monsters in the dark coming to invade" were family this whole time. And what did I do? I fought them. Like a fool. I even had the nerve to laugh about it. The last scene that I wrote was a scene called "The Serpent's Smile," where a "Lovecraftian" entity ("The Beast") came through the biggest tear in the veil yet during the Flood. Only Sammael could fight him because duh. And I had this moment when it seems like Sammael dies after being hurled into a mountain, but then after he gets up the Beast asks him, "Do you remember us?" And as Sammael is standing there with a hole in his chest and his silver amulet showing, he asks, "When was the last time you felt fear?" And no. I actually don't care if it was just in my lil story. It's the thoughts themselves that I'm looking at here. Because I had the scene play out with Sammael offing the Beast while it was afraid. Laugh about it afterwards. And then had this fool standing in a "rain of bodies" with a smile on his face, since "the biggest wave so far" of Void demons had came through the same tear that the Beast did and he cut them all down in one swoop. And can you guess what I was describing Sammael as? Exactly, an angel of death. I was also portraying him as this "sadistic demon god" but that's besides the point. Humans are one thing. Family is another. Matter of fact, I was definitely NOT "aligned" with them in the past. And I've already asked them to off me plenty of times before I get used against my true family. And yet, I can't shake the feeling that they're not trying to hear all that for real. Like, no one is even batting an eye every time I bring up or repeat "the vow." As I'm writing my little rant, they keep "nudging" me to remember that Void demons never stay dead, or better yet, can't die. And that Estarossa (Mael) and Meliodas were both given the Commandment of Love. I know what they're trying to say right now. Obviously. But I think I'd rather sulk about it a bit more. Only a little though. At least, before they get pissy about it.

They still want me to say "us" and "we" in the end this time as well. They didn't have to ask, I won't lie. I was planning on doing so anyway. And yes, I am aware that I am loved. Yes yes, I do remember when you gave me the movie Always (1989) alongside the Death tarot card in one of my recent readings. I love you all too. Yes, always. Impossible not to. With us being eternal and all.

*Sammael, Jack Sparrow, Stan Helsing, and Alex Fielding*

I did more than "sulk" about it if I'm being honest. Tears were shed. Again. I started writing this yesterday, but I ended up deciding to go to sleep since it was already early in the a.m. hours today. My guides were telling me to rest after all. But yeah, there I was wondering why I'm still walking around here if technically I've already "harmed" my family. They were calling my vow the result of "temporary madness" and I was definitely "feeling" like they were not fans of it in the first place. The point is, the invisible aliens who created this place won't be granting my death wish just because I ask for it. And since they're also my family (as they've been showing me, especially recently), I can't help but fake being confused about it. You'd think that beings who can grant death as easily as breathing would jump at the chance. I'm guessing it doesn't apply to everyone. And I just happen to be one of the exceptions. Of course I am. Why not am I right? They even led me to that JJK scene the other day on an Instagram reel where Todo was telling Yuji, "We are the exception." All jokes aside, while I was finishing up writing this, my guides just up and had me notice the bandana that Sammael is wearing in his image. Then they were like, "Search up Jack Sparrow and Stan Helsing again." Seeing the bandana and the beads on Jack Sparrow had me looking around my room again for the invisible cameras. Once again, I grew up in the Caribbean (Grand Cayman) and I was already mentioning how my guides use certain names to catch my eye now. For example, "John" and "Jack" which are both related to each other. And are both being reflected in a character with ties to the Caribbean (where I was born) and English (I'm in the UK right now, plus I'm a British citizen as well) named Jack, played by a guy named John, and is apparently based off of Bugs Bunny. My profile picture is a rabbit. This guy Jack is even one of the nine pirate lords of the Brethren Court bro. The Pirate Lord of the Caribbean Sea. Now I'm seeing shi about the Nine Pieces of Eight again. Yeah, nobody is going to believe this stuff. I'm the only person who knows that I didn't plan for all of this to actually add up like this right now. Now I'm looking at Tia Dalma, before being pointed to Tia Mowry, who plays Alex Fielding in Twitches (2005). Both of these characters have a human name (Tia Dalma, Alex Fielding) and a supernatural name (Calypso, Artemis DuBaer). My guides are reminding me that they'll even put the names I was born with in stuff. Again, Alexsey is one of my middle names so that makes Alex Fielding an "Alex" folks. And yikes, not only does she have on a bandana in the scene where she meets her twin sister but she's also wearing a silver amulet that represents the moon (just like Sammael in my story). My guides led me to get an image of her from that scene specifically to be honest. And I know why, since that's pretty much how things played out when I approached someone who I knew was a starseed for the first time. Funny, since it's Camryn Barnes (played by Tamera Mowry) who is acting the way that I was while the other person was moving like Alex. Nope, I don't feel too bad about it. The way that the aliens are moving and the fact that I can definitely see them for real now means that everything is happening the way that it should. As always. Also, if it's meant to be it will be and if it's not then it's not. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm at where I'm at now with my guides because of how things played out so far. Also, Tia Mowry was 27 when she was in Twitches. I'm also 27. Anywho, Stan has on a bandana too and I got his movie in one of my past readings: "1. Always (1989) + Death 2. Hell on the Border (2019) + Knight of Swords 3. Stan Helsing (2009) + Eight of Pentacles" So yeah, my guides are just saying that they're always with me with Stan again. And yes, I did write about them reminding me about the first movie (Always) and tarot card (Death) before I went to sleep. Then I woke up, and now here I am writing about it. As part of this wild ah collage. Sigh. I'm just going to have to be called crazy. Sorry not sorry. And then, right when I think that things can't get any crazier, my guides tell me to look at my second middle name again (O'Shane). Imagine how dumb I felt when I'm just sitting there reading that O'Shane is a derivative of the name John. You'd think I would've already had that in my head while my guides was showing me characters like Number Four (John Smith) and John Hancock. But nope, I was too busy looking at how Number Four is played by Alex Pettyfer (another "Alex") and that he, Hancock, and Cid Kagenou (another character my guides had me looking at) all go by the name John. And John isn't their actual names. It's just an alias. Jack Sparrow also goes by the alias Mr. Smith. So technically, that makes him another "John Smith" just like Four and Cid. Again, driving home the fact that my human name is just that. A human alias. You know, since I'm not human. And never will be.

Wow, this one was a rollercoaster I can't lie. I'm actually laughing to myself right now. I was so "accustomed" to just vibing on my ones just to realize over these past couple of months that that's just never been the case. It's a bit crazy, since people (humans) always seem to wonder about people who can be by themselves. How am I ever going to explain to them that that's not true? If I ever bother to try that is. Which most likely won't ever happen. Also, someone should let those still asleep know beforehand that your guides can make you cry. Because I swear I've never shed so much tears in my life until I started getting their messages for real. "Seeing the world through different eyes" or whatever they be yapping about. Sigh. Now I've got to proofread all this shi. I won't try too hard to get every single typo though. My guides want me to hurry up and finish so I can get something to eat and chill.

Anywho, that's it from us for now. We shall return. We always do.