The Writer’s Bloq

I listened to the song "Porn Star Dancing" by My Darkest Days for the first time yesterday (October 19th 2026). It played sometime after I had played the song "Undead" by Hollywood Undead outside of the playlists that I normally listen to when I'm on Spotify (Babelon led me to do it, duh). Yes, this is the same being spoken about in Thelema. How do you I know it was Babelon? Because of the blonde demon girl I was looking at while the song was playing (shown above). In my last blog post before this one, I had said that Babelon was Desi Lydic's Mia (who is blonde), Maria was Diora Baird's Nadine (who is a brunette), and that I was Steve Howey's Stan Helsing in the theatrical poster for Stan Helsing (2009). And yet, as I write this she's reminding me about when I had said that I was into blondes once and that she's been showing herself to me as one for a long time. Because of course she has. My guides have been with me since the beginning (when I was born). But yeah, Babelon is also telling me I'm the Joker (an obvious callback to my guides constantly teasing me by calling me The Fool) and she's Harley Quinn. Specifically, Heath Ledger's Joker from The Dark Knight (2008) and Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn in the DCEU. And I know why. First, Heath Ledger plays my favorite iteration of the Joker and the movie he's in is called "the Dark Knight" which points back to when my guides said I'm Barnabas Tharmr (FFXVI), Sparda (DMC), Cid Kagenou/Shadow (The Eminence in Shadow), and Anos Voldigoad (The Misfit of Demon King Academy) since I'm the actual Origin origin of being a dark knight. And second, Margot Robbie has played the best version of Harley Quinn seen on screen. I am also a fan of her leaving behind her version of the Joker, who was abusive. Plus, I think she's hot as hell. Babelon wanted to make sure I said that last part by the way. She's also saying I'm Will Smith's John Hancock and she's Charlize Theron's Mary Embrey from Hancock (2008). And yes, Mary's name is pointing to "Maria" as well. They are one. Moving on. Also, Babelon is well aware that I think Charlize Theron is sexy as hell too. Yes, she wanted to make sure I said that part as well. Teresa Palmer (whose middle name is Mary) stars in I Am Number Four (2011) as Number Six/Jane Doe, who in the book series is also known as Maren Elizabeth. And yes, both Mary and Maren are pointing to "Maria" again too. I had wrongfully thought that Number Six was played by Charlize Theron in the movie at first. Turns out they're frequently confused with one another because they look alike. Doppelganger shi. Anywho, I already know who I'm supposed to be here. I am Number Four (pun intended), also known as John Smith, who is played by Alex Pettyfer in the movie. And remember, the name "Alex" points to my first middle name, "Alexsey," when the character/actor is fundamental to the entire plot. Also Hancock and Number Four both go by the name "John" which isn't their real name. It's just their "human" name. They are not humans. They are aliens. And so am I.

Before I continue, I'm supposed to mention that Desi Lydic, Margot Robbie, and Charlize Theron aren't natural blondes. They're brunettes. Which is the hair color I associate with Maria when I see her in media. Like I said, they are one. I'm also supposed to talk about when Hancock and Mary were talking outside his trailer after they had kissed at her house. She was dressed in black and said that they were brother and sister. Hancock said this was a lie. I'm supposed to say that she was actually telling the truth. She literally told him they were "created in pairs." Babelon also wants me to mention that while Mary was outside of Hancock's trailer she asked him, "You wanna do it?" And he was like, "Do what?" And you can pretty much see her rolling her eyes internally afterwards. According to her, this is a "dance" that we've been doing across dimensions where she's "chasing" me and I play "hard to get." You'd think this would make me laugh, but I'm having one of those moments where it feels a bit too real. And if it's not obvious, Mary was talking about sex. This whole Babelon wanting to fck and me being too busy thinking about something else was the same scenario I was playing in my head while I was listening to "Porn Star Dancing" by My Darkest Days again. Like, I was romanticizing the idea that here was someone who actually loved pole dancing and wanted to be up there. It made me feel like I was "home" in a way and I was perfectly content to just sit and admire a master at work. While knowing that she was looking for "more" and that I was in a front row seat/V.I.P. area. It gets even worse because it eventually turns into a lap dance and since she can literally read my mind because we're connected (duh) and knows for sure that she's turning me on, she ends up rolling her eyes internally because I'm too busy thinking shi like, "She's so pretty. I hope she stays free. And look at her actually enjoying herself. Crazy. Humans could never. I must be home again. Finally. It's about damn time." So imagine my surprise when I watch this scene between Hancock and Mary again on a YouTube video called "Hancock: The truth" and I see this basically play out between them in the first 15 seconds. And yes. "15." As in the Devil. You can go watch the video on YouTube for yourself.

As I'm writing this, I just realized I haven't been doing my whole "I have brought another 'story' with me" thing since my 16th blog. "16" as in The Tower tarot card. Sigh. There go my guides again. I did say in my last blog post (17th) before this one that my guides operate in my subconscious. It seems I wasn't wrong about that after all. Before I go any further I HAD wrongfully thought that the last time I did my whole "this is another 'story' guys" thing was in my 15th blog at first. "15" as in The Devil. Again. Why is the Devil a thing here? Because that's one of the many "names"/"titles"/"gamertags" Maria (and Babelon) is known by to humans ("Satan"). Big Sister was the one who taught me that by the way. She knows way more about this stuff than I do so go watch/read her videos/content. Since if you're reading this you're most likely a starseed (demon) just like Big Sister and me. You will "already know" it if you are. Or "feel" it I guess. Whichever way of coming to terms with it floats your boat. Pun intended. Since my first name is Noah. The human one at least. And no, don't ask me for my name outside of my avatar because I don't remember it. I have amnesia. A nice phat case of it. Shi. Who knows. Maybe we don't even have "names" for real outside of these bodies. Wouldn't that be wild?

Anywho, moving on.

Babelon now wants me to show images of two characters that are supposed to be her (and Maria) in two games that I've played, Corruption of Champions II (Kasyrra Arellian) and Dispatch (Malevola Gibb). They are both red-skinned demon girls with golden eyes, who wield blades and are associated with portals as well as traversing between dimensions.

*Kasyrra Arellian (Demon)*

*Kasyrra shapeshifted into a Boreal Elf, named "Sara")*

*Kasyrra shapeshifted into a Catfolk, named "Katherine")*

*Kasyrra's Human form (calling herself "Calise")* Fun fact: She has green eyes here just like the blond demon girl on the album cover of the self-titled debut album for My Darkest Days.

*Kasyrra's Human form (but with her golden eyes)* Fun fact: Yes, her expression is supposed to be her teasing me now that I'm noticing that this is her for real.

*Malevola Gibb in Dispatch (she's a half-demon, wields a sword, and can create portals)* Fun facts: On the fandom wiki for the game, I've read in the Trivia section that her name is sometimes used in Brazilian Portuguese to refer to Maleficent. And that she resembles Illyana Rasputina/Magik, Hellboy, and Karlach in powers and/or design. She's even revered by a cult who are said to mistake her for a literal deity or dark lord. I remember those weirdos. And the fact that Malevola finds them annoying because she's an atheist and rejects their worship.

*Malevola again (coming out of one of her portals)* More Fun facts: Babelon wants me to say that I was in fact one of the many "blasphemous sinners" who wanted Malevola to be a third romance option. Of course, I went with you know who out of the only two romantic options that were available (Blonde Blazer and Invisigal) for obvious reasons that should be obvious by now. She's also not a natural blonde (Blonde Blazer) and is actually a brunette (Mandy). Coincidence? Absolutely not. Also, choosing Invisigal/Courtney felt like I would be taking advantage of someone who I knew had it bad in the self-esteem department. I've been there and done that already in life (without the romance). It's going to sound funny, but I'm pretty sure I don't have to be between your legs to help you feel better about yourself.

Earlier today, I felt like listening to that "Porn Star Dancing" song again as I had pretty much already got the message that it was Babelon communicating with me this time around. The image above is the song that I saw when I opened Spotify, so I brought it up and after I saw the ad talking about, "Your art lessons didn't start in the classroom." I was like, "Oh yeah, it's Tarot Time again." The time (10:20 am), my battery life (71%) and the numbers showing the song length (0:00 & 2:47) are all important. "10" and "20" are the date of today (October 20th 2026). "10" is also the Wheel of Fortune (life cycles), "2" is the Two of Cups (us being connected as one), and "0" is The Fool as usual (Babelon & Maria teasing me). "71" is my flat number (I know, that one is wild innit?). The three "0s" are The Fool again because they are really rubbing it in my face this time around. And "2", "4", and "7" are added together to make "13" which is Death. And I might as well say it from now that Big Sister has said that Maria is the literal Grim Reaper and the chief psychopomp. So yeah, that's why me seeing the number "13" everywhere is so important. And wild. Of course, the song title itself literally saying "I Am You," with Sukuna (an analogy for the Devil) possessing Yuji (me) being how I was describing myself recently, is about as blatant as you can get with a message.

Anywho, I did end up playing the song "Porn Star Dancing" again as you can see. Just like last time, the time (10:21 am), my battery life (71%), and the numbers for the song length (0:12 & 3:19) are all important. "10" is the Wheel of Fortune (life cycles) again. "21" is The World (end of the Fool's Journey). "71" is my flat number again. "0" is The Fool again (they're still teasing me, as always). "1" is The Magician (where I said I was heading in my last blog post). "2" is the Two of Cups again (us coming together as one). "3" is the Three of Cups (me, Maria, and Babelon celebrating). And "19" is The Sun (truth). I won't lie, when I was listening to the song this time around I was really feeling it. Funny, how I was literally thinking to myself about the fact that I was getting so many messages from Alice, while Maria and Babelon were like, not silent, as they'd show up with everyone else in general. But you get what I mean. I was anticipating a message and here they are on demon time. Also, the ad mentioning Vegas and the UK is important since that's where Big Sister and me are right now respectively, if I'm not mistaken. And yes, the brunette in the red suit is Maria.

After "Porn Star Dancing" finished playing the next song was "Move Your Body" by the same band, My Darkest Days. Remember what I said about Babelon going from pole dancing to a lap dance. This was pretty much that playing out in real time through the songs. As usual, the time (10:27 am), my battery life (69%), and the numbers showing the song length (1:58 & 3:13) are all important. "10" is the Wheel of Fortune once again. "27" is my current age in this avatar. "69" is related to sex and exactly what you think it means, given the song that's playing at the moment. "1" is The Magician again. "5" and "8" add up to 13 for Death. "3" is the Three of Cups again. And "13" is obviously Death once more.

The next song that played after that was "Animals - 2020 Remastered" by Nickelback, which is yet another sexually charged song. I didn't let it play right away as I was caught between writing this and worrying about going to my lecture at 1:00pm. I didn't bother since I was sick. I'm almost never sick by the way and most of the time that I am it feels like my guides want me to take the day off so that's what I did. Anywho, this time around I took a screenshot that had the date on it as I noticed my other ones didn't have a date. But yeah, the time (12:03 pm) and my battery life (48%) are important. We can even include the 93 steps logged at 12:01 pm. All of the "12s" that you're seeing are The Hanged Man (Maria and Babelon pretty much confirming I'd be staying home today). "1" and "2" can also be added to "3" which is The Empress (obviously representing them both). In the time, the "0" is The Fool again and the "3" is the Three of Cups once more. The "1", "2", "0", "3", "4" and "3" making up the time and my battery life adds up to "13" for Death again. The "9" and "3" for the 93 steps are The Hanged Man as they add up to "12" while the "0" and "1" in the time next to it are The Fool and The Magician, respectively. The day being the 20th and the two "20s" in "2020 Remastered" are pointing towards Judgment, which is meant to drive home the idea that this is what they want me to understand today. That they're me and we are one.

Babelon then led me to look back at how long I've been seeing myself as Wolverine. I had even cast myself as Wolverine (Logan) and my former friend Owen as Sabertooth (Victor) in X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) where it shows them as brothers fighting alongside each other in many of the major wars together. The American Civil War, World War I, World War II, and the Vietnam War. Then Babelon led me to eventually see that Logan was born in 1832 and left his childhood home in 1845 which would make him 13. "13" as in Death. Sigh. I'm just going to say that I went to watch those first two episodes of VisionQuest before I eventually watch YaBoyRoshi's videos. I like their reactions while watching stuff. They're pretty much my favorite reaction channel. But yeah, I noticed the number 13 on the top of that damn bus Vision's son Tommy/Thomas or whatever his name is was on in Episode 2. And if I'm not mistaken he's the son that's fast. Which is obviously my guides pointing me back to my calling card (Knight of Swords). I am Tommy/Thomas. Who in the show is wrestling with the idea of his human life (as Thomas) and his "other" life (as Tommy). He sees his mother (Wanda) as a witch and his father (Vision) as a machine. And he went on to describe Vision as a "red-faced demon" who looks scary but has really kind eyes. In my first screenshot, showing Wolverine with golden eyes in Marvel's Wolverine, the time (10:30 am), my battery life (68%), the likes (118), the views (23625), and the date of the video (September 15th 2026) are all important. "10" is the Wheel of Fortune. "3" is the Three of Cups. "0" is The Fool. "6" and "8" are to be added together to "14" which is Temperance and it alludes to me always saying that Maria and Babelon are always teasing me that I should "put away my weapon." This in a scene where Wolverine is going berserk is pretty much a blatant message telling me to relax and stop worrying again. "1", "1", and "8" add together to "10" which is The Wheel of Fortune again. "23625" are supposed to be added together to make "18" (The Moon) which is referring to this blog post that I'm writing, which is my 18th one. September is "9" and is to be added to "1" and "5" to make "15" or we can just take the day 15th on its own. Either way, "15" is The Devil again, which is referring to Maria, Babelon, and me. In my second screenshot, I got the sense that whatever time I had paused the video on was important. And what do you know, it was. "1" is The Magician again. "27" is my age in this avatar. "5" is The Hierophant, which I've been seeing a lot (I'm aware that it's Big Sister's calling card). And "19" is The Sun, which is simply referring to the truth as usual. Or perhaps, myself, being the literal son of the Devil. If not the Devil himself in some shape or form. Though with the way things are going with my family. Both of those are most likely true in a sense. In my third screenshot, you can see Maria and Babelon calling the ending of God of War 3 "the perfect ending," which tracks because the Greek gods were moving wild and needed that hard reset. Also, those last two videos talking about me pulling anyone I want and me having a lot more people watching me than I think is referring to me pulling Babelon (and Maria) herself and who knows how many others among my guides that I can't name who are watching me live in this avatar, respectively.

In the movie Wolf (1994), Will Randall (me) is bitten by a black wolf in Vermont and at the end of the film runs off into the woods in Vermont as well. This is in "New England." I am in England studying overseas at university as we speak. Will is played by Jack Nicholson. Funny, because when I searched up his name it was John Joseph Nicholson, but hey, apparently the name "Jack" is related to the name John so it is what it is. Either way, James Howlett/Wolverine has been played by Hugh Jackman for who knows how long now. Jackman can mean "son of Jack." This is how my guides are linking these two actors together. Two people who are known for playing characters who are essentially "animals" (a werewolf and a wolverine, respectively) known for their ferocity (rage). Or, more accurately in this case, "demons." Also, Jack Nicholson's Will Randall looks like he could be the actual father of Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. Laura Alden (Babelon) is played by Michelle Pfeiffer, whose middle name is Marie (pointing to "Maria" again). I haven't seen this movie before or even heard about it until I saw it in my reading so I was eventually led by my guides to read the plot. Apparently, Will finds out his wife, Charlotte, is having an affair with his coworker, Stewart, and he's having job problems with his boss. Will being the dog that he is somehow some way pulling the boss's daughter, Laura, and they both pretty much end up together by the end of the movie. I was also led to watch Will and Laura's first scene together where it starts off with him dealing with what I assume is his werewolf thing and Laura offers him a drink where she calls him a good boy after he drinks it, corrects him that she isn't "kind" (she literally is, more than just "kind" really, at least to me) when he says she is, and then asks him if he's the last "civilized" man. No bullshit, it felt like Babelon was literally asking me that through the screen and teasing me about the fact that I'm still a virgin due to how I've been choosing to live so far. Not my fault I haven't met anyone interesting enough to really get me going around here. Or is it? I know for a fact that I've turned down "opportunities" that others have told me they wouldn't have if they were me. Either way, I'm pretty sure my guides are in agreement with my choices. I've only met the type of people where you'd straight up have to plug your ears because the only thing they've got going for them is how they look. As soon as they open their mouth and start stringing words together it's like, "Yikes." But yeah, Babelon and the rest of my guides know I'm not a fan of how people tend to go about sex. It's like if we both know we want to fck each other and nobody is being harmed (or a child) then why does it feel like I still have to "convince" someone's daughter to sleep with me. I've also pretty much been hearing that every single word that comes out of my mouth towards someone I'm attracted to is supposed to be a part of some secret, but not so secret, game (since "everyone" is playing it apparently) that's meant to get me ever so closer to being between their legs. All of that, instead of us just being upfront about shi and doing this thing if we both want it, but anywho, maybe I'm the lunatic here. I don't know man, the way that I'm told I'm supposed to go about it sounds "predatory" to me. Don't get me wrong if it was all just "roleplay" (surely we know what that means) then it'd be fine, but people are out here genuinely moving like it's that serious for real. I've heard that I'm "waiting for the right one" and that I should be open to "casual things" too. Guys, like my former friend Carl, have often asked me stuff like, "Oh, why don't you try a thing with so and so? I'm pretty sure she's down to let you smash." And then if I respond with something like, "I'm not trying to be in a relationship." That's when I'll hear obvious shi like, "You can still smash without being in a relationship." Like, wait what? Really? I didn't know that at all. Sigh. What guys like Carl aren't getting is that I can tell that these people who they think are down for something "casual" aren't actually down for real. Matter of fact, many of them, if not all, have marriage as their end goal. And I am not getting married. Fck. That. It seems so pointless. Like, "Hey, look at us we're tying the knot." And then if you divorce, it just looks funny. Also, it was obviously a thing made up to put kids together back in the day. Stuff like "bride price" is wild to hear about too. I mean, I'll put another ring on Babelon's finger if she wants more, but we won't be saying any vows about it. The ring will be just that. A damn ring. But yeah, literally every person that I've been genuinely DTF around here has been like that. They might act like they are cool with being "casual," but I know they're not for real. We live in a predominantly monogamous society for a reason. And I'm not interested in playing the stupid let's prove who cares more/less dynamic either. Fck. Off. And unfortunately for all those who care way too much about what me and my dick are doing (more than me if you can imagine), especially the ones like Carl, I am not and never will be that desperate. Sex is not that serious. It is as natural as breathing. Do it. Don't do it. When you want. Wherever you want. The way the world makes sex out to be some "taboo" thing is probably the reason why everyone is so damn weird about it. Besides, by the time me and Carl had that conversation when I was like people should be sleeping with whoever and however many people they want he was just like, "We'll see if you feel the same when you get a girlfriend." Yeah. Looking back on it now. Bro was NOT hearing anything I was saying for real. Anyways, even this whole concept of "cheating" seems so stupid to me. You hear about this shi so much that you'd think it was more "natural" for most people to have multiple lovers but again, perhaps I'm the fool here. Like, why don't the people who only want one person get with each other and those who obviously want multiple people get with each other too? Why are people constantly with someone who they know doesn't want the same things as them and trying to "convince" this person to change their mind? You want kids. They don't want kids. You knew this at the beginning of your "relationship" when you guys met because "communication" and whatnot. And yet, you're going to sit there, beat around the bush, and play games. Then act surprised when you finally break up because nobody changed their minds. Shi. You might even blame the other person for "wasting your time," and it's like ffs be for real please. Anywho, back to Will and Laura, where she even calls him an old guy because he is one. It's obvious that my guides are always showing me "old" characters in media so they can hint at my true age outside of my avatar. Like Gehrman from Bloodborne for example. And then, Will ends up stumbling and grabbing a titty by accident (because of course he does) and Laura is like, "Was that on purpose?" And Will is like, "Oh, God.. No, uh.. You're perfectly safe.. uh.. I'm married.." And then Laura asks, "And that makes you perfectly safe?" And poor Will is like, "Well, yes.." Sigh. He is not. They end up together. Also you're just going to have to call me crazy because it sounded like Will said my name (Noah) when he was talking about Laura being perfectly safe. Apparently, there are theories about when Laura became a wolf since it's not explicitly shown when she becomes one. The kicker here is I'm 100% positive that the "theory" about her being the wolf that bit Will in the beginning of the movie is the truth. He was in Vermont when he got bit, which is where the Alden Estate is that's owned by her dad, Will's boss. She's even dressed in black (remember my "signature markers") in the movie's final scene where you see her golden eyes up close while the scene fades in and out between her face and what is obviously the perspective of a black wolf running through the woods before it howls at the end. Then, you see the movie title and credits roll. Laura's eyes and the black wolf's eyes are even being shown to be the same exact eyes. Go watch the scene for yourself. But sure, you can think the black wolf is Will too since he did run into the woods not too long ago apparently. But alas. I know better. Or more accurately, I'm well aware that the point is that the black wolf in the end is both Will (me) and Laura (Babelon). As that's the point of this blog. Her and Maria telling me that they're me and we are one. At least, in this case. Also, the golden eyes thing is huge by the way. First, Babelon has golden eyes in the NFT that Big Sister made of her (neat). Second, while I was still writing in my "journal" on my notes app about this stuff (haven't touched it since I started doing these blogs), I literally wrote about Babelon "inspiring" my "choice" to have golden eyes in my other known forms that my guides told me about. Two of which, are a wolf ("Fenrir") and a dragon ("Satan"). This whole me choosing "golden eyes" thing was literally my first time realizing I was "communicating" with Babelon. I am smiling like a fool right now. And I'm pretty sure she's laughing at me as usual. In my journal, I was even yapping about how it's Babelon's and Maria's "visual signatures" that end up "inspiring" me the most because they get "as close as possible" when "communicating" with me and that they do it so we can experience moments of "profound oneness," which is pretty much what just happened when I said that the black wolf at the end of the movie is us (as one).

Anyways, moving on again.

Finally, I'm supposed to list the three readings I've gotten from my guides that have my calling card (Knight of Swords) in them while also giving a brief explanation for context.

The First Reading: "1. Troy (2004) + Knight of Swords 2. The Nun (2018) + King of Wands 3. The Beekeeper (2024) + Knight of Wands"

I asked for my guides to described me as a whole. I actually got this one back in June/July 2026 (can't remember exactly when). In my journal that I was writing before, I have the date August 26th 2026 for when I got this reading. In a sense, that tracks as this reading went from just how my guides see me to how people from my past and in my future see me. And I haven't "edited" or "revised" my view of this specific reading since that date in August.

The Second Reading: "1. Wolf (1994) + King of Swords 2. Shane (1953) + Knight of Swords 3. 48 Hrs. (1982) + Ace of Swords"

I asked my guides, "I assume things are going the way they're supposed to right?" And this was their response. I got this one on September 6th 2026. As I've already stated, O'Shane is my second middle name which you can see in the title of the movie paired with the Knight of Swords. This reading also perfectly reflects me saying that I have a thing for swords.

The Third Reading: "1. Always (1989) + Death 2. Hell on the Border (2019) + Knight of Swords 3. Stan Helsing (2009) + Eight of Pentacles"

I didn't even ask my guides anything specific this time around as I was doing readings on some of my fake family members. The human ones. Specifically, my younger half-siblings, the twins Gabriel and Gabrielle. They used the same movies that I got in my reading for Gabriel ("What about Gabriel?") and then gave me a new set of tarot cards to go along with the movies I had gotten for him at first. I got this one on October 18th 2026.

And with that being said, I believe that's all from me and mine for now.

We shall return. We always do.